We've all been there. Playing Modern Warfare, Halo, Team Fortress 2, hell, even Guitar Hero and Burnout Paradise, going online, and hearing the gutteral filth that spews out over your headset as you play. It's practically sickening, and even worse if you get caught up in it. I don't know about you guys, but I wanna go online to enjoy playing a video game, not argue over nonsensical bullshit. So let's give it up for the Top Ten things I could live without hearing online for the rest of my life.
10. Racial Arguments
Racial slurs should be unacceptable. We should get rid of them completely. By that, I don't mean each race is allowed to call themselves by that name, I mean entirely. Not to prevent someone from being offended - fuck that. They should be completely erased from human memory to prevent arguments and debates from people.
Now it's wrong for the words to be used, but they're going to get used. Especially online, behind a controller or keyboard where no one can hurt the offensive party. I do NOT wanna hear a black guy cuss out a white guy for using a word the black guy uses regularly and start a serious debate about it. I do NOT wanna hear an Italian man get pissed off at the use of the word "guido" and start ranting about it. I do NOT wanna hear a white person get offended because a bunch of people keep calling him a "crazy white crackuh" that will eventually have him resort to using "the N word," in which case a scenario already mentioned repeats itself. Besides, online, you're all voices heard over a microphone, there is no color. We're all people, fuck color, because I just wanna throw a grenade at you and wait for you to respawn before I put a bullet in your virtual head.
9. Talk of Skill
So you got a lucky sticky bomb kill, big deal. Stop hyping yourself up like you're going for the WWE Champsionship title next week. This is even WORSE if the person talking a big game ISN'T EVEN WINNING. Unless you're a regularly winning MLG player, which very most likely you are NOT, you are not impressive to anyone. I'm not saying congradulating yourself on a kill is bad, but claiming to be the best person playing or that the opponent had no chance of winning is absurd.
Besides, your verbal trolling will not only spur on everyone else to talk mad shit about their own skills, but will have everyone aiming at you. The only thing worse than this is when you go from third to last, and then make up excuses on why you lost. Just shut the fuck up to save us the trouble of having to go mute you.
8. Game vs. Game
If you believe that Marvel vs. Capcom 2 is better than Street Fighter 4, PLEASE don't go online in Street Fighter 4 and voice your opinion about it. I guaran-goddamn-tee you they don't care, nor do they wanna hear you tell them about it. So you like Mario Kart more than Blur. If you like it so much, STOP PLAYING BLUR AND GO BACK TO PLAYING MARIO KART!
You are being a fucking troll. Stop it. No one likes you. So what if the controls are better in one game than another? If you like the controls of the other game, why the fuck would you being playing the "worse" of the two in order to tell people about it? Stop being a fucking douchebag.
7. Console vs. Console
This is one of my least favorite arguments of all time, and you'll see a Rant about the Console Wars soon enough. So you're trying out Resistance 2 online, and it feels great. I mean, not better than how Halo feels on the 360, but yeah, it feels great. Also, it's not great enough to tell everyone playing Resistance why their opinion on getting a PS3 sucks if they ever wanna play a decent shooter. Wait, what? Who the fuck cares if the PS3 controller has a better d-pad for fighters than the 360 version? WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU PLAYING THE 360 VERSION THEN?!!
There's the rare instance in which you MIGHT have a point. One such example would be mentioning the PC version of Team Fortress 2 is better than the console versions, for the simple fact that it gets updated and patched regularly, and unlockable weapons and hats along with new levels have been introduced. But when mentioning this, flaming all the "360/PS3 faggots that are stuck with this shitty version" is NOT necessary.
6. Rather Be Elsewhere
"Man, I'd rather be playing Rock Band right now instead of this shit..." Then stop playing Lost Planet and start playing Rock Band, asshat. This once again falls under the category of "if you hate it why are you playing it" stupidity. I will never understand this.
In fact, why the fuck are you talking about playing other games instead of just PLAYING the other games?! Discussing another game, its fun factor, why you enjoy it... Shit, that's fine. If you'd rather play it, go play it. We're not stopping you.
5. Girl Gamer Hatred
Now, this one I never understood. For many of these guys, it may be the one of the only chances they'll ever get to having a woman willingly talk to them. And yet, they do nothing but talk shit, either about girl gaming skills, about how ugly gaming girls are, or about how they belong in the kitchen. Sure, the last one's good for a few chuckles (except to feminists... bitches), but after twenty minutes, the "make me a sandwich, bitch" joke gets REALLY fucking old.
I think of all the girls I've known to really be into gaming, maybe one or two of them have been downright ugly. Sure, that sounds mean, but the point is that hot girls that play video games are hotter than regular hot girls. As for skill, MLG came through this area a few years back, and the Frag Dolls decided to stop by a local Gears of War tournament in a game store before their Halo matches the following day. They decimated everyone in the tourney, and a team of two of them ended up winning. But it's ok, you can talk big shit to gaming girls all you want. Doesn't change the fact you're sleeping alone again night after night.
4. Online Night Club
Let me tell some of these kids something... You are not a DJ. Therefore, we do NOT want to hear whatever music you are listening to. If you would like to be a DJ, play some beatmania IIDX or some DJ Hero. Do not play the Halo Reach beta with a soundtrack the entire game can hear. Invest in some headphones.
What's worse, is when you have to hear a bunch of assholes trying to scream overtop of the guy playing music for him to shut it off. If you REALLY need to communicate with teammates, mute his ass. It's bad enough I have to hear his music, but you yelling at him over it for ten minutes doesn't make anything better, because you know he's not going to turn it off.
3. Assumption of Appearance
I can understand there being a dispute online. I can understand there can be insults online. But I'd like to make it perfectly clear right now - I'm a bit overweight, I have straight teeth, I am not sloppy, and I live in a house. If you don't have a New York accent while you play games, you are apparently an inbred redneck hick, living in a trailer, with crooked fucking buckteeth, beer belly, and sleep with a relative or farm animal.
Now, I don't really have a southern accent, much less a deep southern or Texan accent that would make one believe any of the above could possibly be true. But because someone doesn't have a stereotypical dialect of a certain country, race, or other stereotype like nerds or valley girls, you apparently get officially labeled as a white, American, redneck, worthless piece of shit. You don't know me, let's keep the insults to skill level and kill totals, please.
2. Political Debates
So this didn't seem to be that big of an issue during the Bush Administration, because it seemed most of the country equally hated him, especially amongst the younger gaming generation. But since the election, all you hear about is political debates, and it doesn't belong in video games. Just because you HAVE the freedom of speech doesn't mean you should always USE it.
Some people think Obama has brought change to our struggling nation. Some people think he's done absolutely nothing to help our country since getting into office. Some people want Sarah Palin to make her way back into the political scene. Some people would rather see her get eaten alive by a polar bear. Some people think Hillary is proving her worth in the White House. Some would rather see her publicly executed and have her head driven on a pike to be displayed to everyone passing by the D.C. area. Keep it to your fucking self, because I really just wanna play video games, not listen to two chumps that think they know anything about politics bicker with each other.
1. Children
Yep, that grating sound of a ten-year-old's voice rings in at number one. And if it's not enough that they repeat themselves over and over and over to ensure everyone heard them, they get REALLY defensive at the first sign of an insult. This is when they show off their intense sixth grade vocabulary of "faggot," "mother fucker," and "shit face."
Sure, I can understand hearing them at 8:00pm while the babysitter isn't paying attention to them. But why should I hear a kid at 2:00am on a school night talking about someone sucking dicks as a job over an insult? Go the fuck to bed, kid! You have school tomorrow!!
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Very nice article you got there. It made me laugh, I don't know if it was the way you put things, or how true they were. If you wanna play some online games on the 360, hit me up, my GT is Pockifier
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