Active Enterprises was pretty well known for "a game" they put out in 1991 known as "Action 52." At $199, it was a steal - 52 games on one cartridge? That's almost $4 a game.
However, for anyone stupid enough to shell out the money, they'd realize the games were horrible, miserable turds and that $4 a piece was far too much money. The company banked on one title to really help their success - Cheetahmen, game number 52 on their epic failure. The game was released with a comic, and had intended for sequels, lunch boxes, even its own tv show spin off. The project, obviously, was a flop, but in 1996, a sequel was discovered in a warehouse, with 1,500 copies sitting aside waiting to be discovered...
Cheetahmen II was then sold in 1997 off the market, and the game was discovered to be one of the worst games ever made. The games difficulty and glitches are practically legendary due to horrible programming, making the game seem as though it was never completed. Check below for the plot, and then I'll go through my personal experiences on this game.
So, the first thing I notice is that not only were the horrible controls transferred over from Action 52, but the music is as well. Your Cheetahman also does not make any sound upon jumping, and has a crossbow to defend himself. Walking up to my first enemy is either an invisible man or an unfinished enemy. Killing him brings me to my next enemy, a bird flying too high to shoot without jumping, meaning you need to nail a jump and shot off in order to kill him. Getting hit takes away one of the player's six hits, with no recovery items to be found.
Next, we come across a dog. Crouch to shoot him, and... wait, there's no crouch? How do I kill the dog?! You don't. You jump over him. And then jump over the worms. And jump over the bug-looking aardvark things. Meaning, if a bird's not flying too low, the only enemies in this level you can kill are birds and the invisible men. Fan-fucking-tastic. Sometimes, enemies are put in places where you have no choice but to run into them it seems, and other times two may come at you where if you avoid one, you'll hit the other. And there's no invincibility frames after a hit, like in Mario or Sonic. If you get hit back to back within a second by two enemies, you lose two hits.
At one point in the level, I found some blocks to help me jump over and avoid the ground level enemies, which is convenient. I move across them to higher blocks, and upon jumping off the last one, I die in mid air. I DIED IN MID AIR, FOR NO REASON. JUMPING TOO FAR WILL CAUSE A CHEETAHMAN TO EXPLODE IN MID AIR. GODDAMMIT!! Believe it or not, this is JUST the first level. If you somehow manage to survive all of this, you come to level two.
The second level changes a bit. The invisible dude is replaced by tornadoes and the scariest fucking thing I've ever seen in my life. There is no other way to describe it. Suddenly, jumping makes a noise, but didn't in level one. Furthermore, many of the ground enemies return, and now pace back and forth to further haunt you. What a bunch of dicks.
Getting to the end of the level brings you to Dr. Morbis, who should've been the final boss. He's an impressive boss, though - he runs from left to right. That's it. He just runs. He can kill you by touching you, sure, but jumping over him and shooting him is too easy to lose to this boss. Pathetic.
Level three sticks you with a big piece of shit of a Cheetahman. He's huge, yet has incredibly short range with his punch-and-kick-at-the-same-time combo. What makes him not a worthless fuck is that he can attack ground enemies, including some weird shrew thing that attacks now, as well as air enemies, like this weird ass UFO thing that attacks. The best part of Hercules the fat fuck Cheetahman is that he freezes in mid air when he attacks. While he's frozen, the game recgonizes him as being on the ground again, and allows him to jump, meaning you can jump-attack through the air across the levels and see little to no action. Jumping too high will cause him to go through the top of the screen to the bottom, in some instances trapping you and causing you to die. If there's a floor blocking the bottom of the screen, you die when you hit the top of the screen. What the fuck? Also, the death noise in levels two and beyond are different in tone from the first level. Goddammit.
So I'm jump-punch-kicking my way through the levels, which I forgot to mention end at points that look like the middle of levels - you may see blocks or enemies past the end of level area, making it confusing to know when you're almost done. I get to the end of level four and reach the Ape Man, "the strongest sub-human yet." He wiggles in a seizure-like manner, and if he touches you it's instant death. Due to Hercules' T-Rex punches, I cannot kill Ape Man. However, I've seen footage after you kill him - that's it. It's the end. Hercules is stuck by himself to wander the boss area for eternity. Fuck the last Cheetahman, he's apparently too big of a piece of shit to warrant him a level. That's it, four levels. What a pile of cunts!
So, I've heard that sometimes, the game will glitch upon starting it up and start you at level five to play as the last Cheetahman. But I've never seen it. I haven't gotten it to happen. So until I see it, I'm going to believe it's a mystery and a myth, that this unfinished pile of shit ends at level four. There's only two good parts about this game... The music, and the fan base.
The fan base for this game is almost too intense. Some like it "for the lulz," while others legit like this game. Some people have talked themselves into liking the game to find it playable. I have no disrespect for these people - I talked myself into liking it as well until I played it, and pretty much for only one reason: the music.
While there's one song as a title theme, and another song as the game theme, the songs are actually very good. It sucks to hear them in game, because firing the bow or killing an enemy literally stops the music. But they are entertaining tunes, and they've gained a cult following. Even OC Remix has a few mixes up, and The Adventures of Duane and BrandO released an amazing rap over the song (though the monotone reading of the story beforehand is also entertaining). I've posted a few below for you to enjoy:
The original song
やたらかっこいいチーターマン２ BGM Very cool Cheetahmen music
Phoenix Wright = Cheetahmen II
チーターマンテクノ(90's Techno Remix)
CHEETAHMEN II by The Adventures Of Duane & BrandO
Check out the official Duane and BrandO YouTube page at http://www.youtube.com/user/TheAdventuresOfDnB,
and their official site at http://www.duane-and-brando.com/
Sure, the music is great, but everything else about this game, and Active Enterprises, is epic fail.
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