The super mushroom. The potion. The bombs. Nearly every video game made has some form of items, normally useful in every way for the player, scattered about the world of the games they're within. Sonic has rings and super shoes. Mega Man has health and ammo power-ups. Billy and Jimmy Lee have weapons dropped by their foes. They've become a staple to helping the player not only have an advantage, but sometimes are necessary in order to progress.
But does anyone ever question them? They're just there, and we're supposed to take them, right? But what is the actual point? How do we know it's just as useful as the same item we had grabbed previously? In other words, how do I know that potion hasn't been tampered with? How do I know someone didn't spit on that turkey leg? How do I know that energy can isn't empty and I'm grabbing litter?
Sure, it doesn't sound like much sense, but let's look at certain items in gaming. Mario grabs mushrooms, fire flowers, feathers, leaves, stars, and a whole shitload of other items. How does he get them? Normally, through a question mark block. But WHO THE HELL PUT THEM INSIDE THE BLOCK TO BEGIN WITH?! Bowser, as a form of an advantage through his own arrogance? Why would he do that?! And if he did, why not poison all the mushrooms, flowers, and stars so that they'd be useless or kill Mario? "Because he's looking for a challenge," you say? If he was looking to help Mario, why send out his goombas and koopas? And if Toad had done it, why not use the items himself to save his beloved princess that his people look up to? It makes no sense...
Now, let's take a look at Castlevania. How the hell did Dracula force bags of money and hearts into his candles?! "Oh, shit, the Belmonts are coming! Death, get the golems to hide all of my money! ...I don't care where, in the fucking candles for fuck's sake, as long as my money is safe!" And better yet, who cooked a pork chop and hid it in the wall?! Better yet, would you eat a pork chop inside of a castle of the undead that was hidden in the walls?! And LOTS of games do this! In what situation would I ever be in where I would eat food that had been left in the wall? How can I trust food that was in the wall, in a treasure chest, inside a block, or that dropped out of an enemy I just killed? That shit's gotta be dirty!
Then comes the RPG element. You fight a horde of wolves, and after a long battle you defeat them. That's when you find 127 gold, an ether, and an amulet of burning. Why the hell were these wolves packing cash?! Let's focus on that first. If I killed a wolf, I would expect to get a pelt, perhaps some guts or a paw. I would NOT expect some shopping funds, much less an ether and an accessory. Did the wolves think their MP might run low, but decide not to use it anyway? And why the hell did they have an equipable item on them? WHO EQUIPPED IT TO THE WOLF?!
Next is the treasure chest. Can we please do away with this? They should be left buried underground, perhaps in a pirate video game, not in the middle of a dungeon or a field to be easily found. Everything from The Legend of Zelda to World of Warcraft has them just sitting out in the open, waiting for someone smarter than a rock to walk up to it. If I owned a castle, and thought someone might at some point or another invade it, I certainly would not leave valuable shit in a treasure chest in the middle of an open room. I would hide that shit in a hiding spot, or maybe in the fucking walls with all the pork chops I'd just recently cooked! Who fills these chests and leaves them out in the open?!
I mean, why would you leave a detailed map of your hideout in a treasure chest near the front door? It doesn't make any fucking sense. Games recently like Fallout 3 and Borderlands have done a decent job hiding the treasure chest feature - they might have metal boxes, or even better are some busted up looking lockers. Desk drawers, kitchen cabinets, filing cabinets, under the bed, between the sofa cushions, in your pants pocket, please just ANYWHERE but a fucking treasure chest. There's no point, if you're going to leave the chest out in the open, why not simply just leave the shit on the floor?! Get those old cliche treasure chests OUT OF HERE!
Don't get me wrong, I don't mind items in games. I don't know what I'd do if I had to play Contra without a gun upgrade, or Pokemon without status healing potions. But if you're going to hide the items, be creative enough to not make it a treasure chest, but not so extreme that you can find food inside of candles. Don't make non-humanoid characters hold stuff that humans can use, because, as I've said repeatedly, it doesn't make sense; how can anyone understand that the eagle you killed was carrying a sword better than your own?
I would either like to see new ways to distribute items to the player, or some form of explanation as to why they got there. Perhaps Rosalina left the different mushrooms across the galaxy for Mario to use in order to help him. Maybe the energy tabs Mega Man can pick up were old power cores of the defeated robot that still has energy left in it. But a chicken out of a chandelier? A treasure chest with JUST the right item you need to further your progress within the same dungeon? Give me a fucking break.
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